I know that I will be accounted for.
I will be accounted for my friends' behaviours.
You know,
it is sometimes confusing to have friends from both sides of the world. You just could not blend in here, nor there. But you could mix well with them. You knew the topics to both sides. You knew who clicked with who and who doesn't. You knew them very well to know their likes and dislikes. You knew what could make them cry and what could make them laugh.
Yet,
you are not from the both sides, but they like being friends with you. Or even best friends. Though you are still reserving some of your thoughts, you still get along with them; who they are and what they wear. It is simply either you ignored, or,
you are just plain hypocritical.
Yes, hypocrite.
You know, the feeling of not wanting to lose them albeit the personality clashes, attitude problems, ignorance, backbiting, and whatnot.
I am sorry, dear friends, if I am being a hypocrite.
But I just could not help it. I did advised, I did what I could, for you to think of being someone better. I did not try to change you, but to persuade you into being the better you.
And I am sorry, dear friends, if I am being a hypocrite.
But I just could not help but noticing that you have changed to be someone better than me, thank God. But that does not mean that you can look down on me with my yet-to-change attitude or even my yet-to-change friends, with that, 'Hey, did you not advise them? Why'd you still hang out with them?' thinking. Or even worse, drifting away or putting up a barrier between us and
act as if nothing happened.
Come on!
It is part of your responsibility, too. Oh, now that you have changed and they are no longer your friends, hence no longer your responsibility?
Then I guess you have become worst than them.
♥5:54 AM
I am not lying when I say I miss blogging.
Only that sometimes the right words just wouldn't come out.
Or maybe it's just not the right time.
Yet.
♥7:53 AM
I am amazed by life and its mysteries.
Where do people get their courage from to do things
that they really wanted to do?
I guess I am a perfectionist after all.
I have never wanted to try, I have never wanted to finish up what I started. I have the tendency to run away from it. From anything that I am not brave enough to face it. I am this one girl with a lot to learn and achieve but is a coward. I am not a realist. I can't expect anybody to pull me down from the clouds, can I?
I mean, you know when life is a bit messy and you start to slack? That is when problems start to arise.
I am exactly in that position.
I slack.
♥4:00 AM
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
I really miss my family.
Especially my younger brother,
wherever he is.
May Allah bless them all.
♥2:59 AM
I was cleaning up those links in my dusty blog when it struck me; why remove those links when you can just preserve them? Even if the blogger does not update anymore, just let it be a memory worth cherishing. That's what blogs are supposed to be, right? I mean, we type our heart out, we rant, we rumble and babble about all the things in the world for people to read.
So I decided, let it be where it's supposed to be.
While cleaning up too that I actually took some time to read some latest updates from my classmates. It made me think and compare my life to theirs. Why can't life be like that? Some came from a broken family, a complicated family, but their lives are still as beautiful as they want it to be. It is them who decide what they are doing with it.
It is me.
It is I who steer my life to the destination that I want. But of course, everything is with His Will. If I chose to steer it to hell, then to hell I would be. If I chose to steer it to heaven, then to heaven I would be. It is not you, not them and not others. It has always been me. I am the change that I wanna be. I am the captain of my life. In the end, it is me who would be responsible for all the things that I've done.
It is me.
Why it took so long for me to realize it?
♥6:47 AM
And so I decided to update.
I love being in Kay Elle so much that I wish to change citizenship.
I am very irresponsible, be it in studies, activities, and et cetera.
I secretly missed a lot of people which you would never expect.
I am left with only a few clothes as I have yet to wash the rest.
I shopped a lot these days without thinking of the necessities.
I just hung up a Malaysian flag outside my room's window.
My night has become day and my day has become night.
I have fallen in and out of love a thousand times over.
My goal for 2013/2014 is to secure a job in Kay Elle.
I did not submit my short semester assignments.
You decide which is true, which is false.
♥6:15 AM
Can I get married now?
Like, now, now?
♥6:59 AM
