I am feeling guilty for writing here when there is nowhere else I could turn to at this moment. Well, I just wanted a place to write, thus having hazziebuzzie in the first place.
Truth is,
I am heartbroken.Let the real reason be only between me and the Almighty.
But here are the contributing reasons:
1. I am still behaving like a child when I am actually an undergraduate.
2. I am still having difficulties to sleep early.
3. I am in a dilemma of choosing my major in Malay Studies.
4. Well, actually no. 3 is not worrying at all. What I should be worrying about is
having second thoughts whether I am really suited for the course or whether it is the right course or even the right place that I should be studying in.
5. I don't think I am ready for any University examinations as of now.
6. I am a bad servant with a very bad service to my Master.
Okay, no. 6 is extremely worrying.
As of late, I am a new person.
A person with dreams, with hopes, with passion. I did go about in realizing it, but only to a certain extent. The other 80 percent of the change is still in process.
However,
in the midst of the transition, I am lost in my own world. My heart is too attached to
some ideology to the extend of wanting changes to happen
drastically while my mind says take one step at a time. This, contributes to no. 4 which is making myself tired of
thinking with my heart and feeling with my mind.What more when you have no one who really understands you to confide in and gives you a really direct opinion and say,
'Hasanah, get back down to Earth this instant.'
And so, I fell down from the skies above;
wounded and lonely,
with a stack of notes to worry,
and everything else topsy-turvy.
What a pathetic me.
